Self-help | The Forget Me Not Fund

It's completely normal to feel a range of emotions following the loss of your precious baby

Regardless of the gestation or circumstances, it can be hard to reach out and ask for help or to know how to navigate the feelings of anxiety, anger and disbelief, and create a sense of normality around the way your path has changed. We hope that you find these simple self-help techniques useful.

Why write a journal?

Keeping a journal has many positive benefits. By regularly recording your thoughts, you will gain insight into what triggers you, your moods each day, and anything you find that helps you to feel better. It’s been proven to improve mental and physical health, which is something we very much need after losing a baby.

How to start?

If you have never journaled before you may be wondering where on Earth to start. Here are some hints and tips to think about:

Journaling doesn't have to mean writing paragraphs. Bullet points or single words and phrases are just as effective.
You could write a letter or letters to your baby, telling them how much you love them and recording any memories of your pregnancy that make you smile.
You may wish to write down your full story in your journal and record events and information as they happen.
Set yourself a time limit, even as little as five minutes. Tell yourself that after five minutes you will stop. If you wish to continue when the five minutes is up then you can.
Find a quiet corner of your own, grab a hot drink and perhaps put on some calm, relaxing music to help you concentrate. Over time you may find that quiet corner becomes an important place of comfort.
If words feel daunting, use pictures, doodles, photos, craft items, anything at all that works for you.
Use the journal prompts opposite to help you to get started.

Questions to help you get started:

How well did I sleep last night?

What made me smile today?

What triggered my grief today?

What have I done to look after myself today?

Grounding techniques

After a trauma, it’s normal to experience flashbacks, anxiety, and other uncomfortable symptoms. Grounding techniques help control these symptoms by turning attention away from thoughts, memories, or worries, and refocusing on the present moment.

5-4-3-2-1 technique

Using the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, you purposefully take in the details of your surroundings using each of your senses.

Things you can see

5

Things you can feel

4

Things you can hear

3

Things you can smell

2

Things you can taste

1

Body Awareness

The body awareness technique will bring you into the here-and-now by directing your focus to sensations in the body. Pay special attention to the physical sensations created by each step.

Take five long, deep breaths through your nose, and exhale through puckered lips.
Place both feet flat on the floor. Wiggle your toes. Curl and uncurl your toes several times. Spend a moment noticing the sensations in your feet.
Stomp your feet on the ground several times. Pay attention to the sensations in your feet and legs as you make contact with the ground.
Clench your hands into fists, then release the tension. Repeat this 10 times.
Press your palms together. Press them harder and hold this pose for 15 seconds. Pay attention to the feeling of tension in your hands and arms.
Rub your palms together briskly. Notice the sound and the feeling of warmth.
Reach your hands over your head like you’re trying to reach the sky. Stretch like this for five seconds. Bring your arms down and let them relax at your sides.
Take five more deep breaths and notice the feeling of calm in your body.

Mental exercises

Use mental exercises to take your mind off uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. They are discreet and easy to use at nearly any time or place. Experiment to see which work best for you.

Name all the objects you see.
Describe the steps in performing an activity you know how to do well. For example, how to shoot a basketball, prepare your favourite meal, or tie a knot.
Count backwards from 100 by 7.
Pick up an object and describe it in detail. Describe its colour, texture, size, weight, scent, and any other qualities you notice.
Spell your full name, and the names of three other people, backwards.
Name all your family members, their ages, and one of their favourite activities.
Read something backwards, letter-by-letter. Practice for at least a few minutes.
Think of an object and 'draw' it in your mind, or in the air with your finger. Try drawing your home, a vehicle, or an animal.

Breathing exercises

When we encounter a trigger to our PTSD symptoms or anxiety, our body produces adrenaline, which increases our heart rate, breathing etc. One of the things we can learn to control is our breathing. We can start to try and slow it down – this gives us something to focus on, a sense of having control over something, and can counteract what is happening when we become anxious.

Square breathing

This involves trying to slow breathing down by imagining a square. As you move along the top of the square breathe in for four seconds; hold for four seconds as you move down one side; breathe out as you imagine moving along the bottom and hold for four seconds as you imagine moving up the other side. Repeat this until your breathing rate reduces and you feel calmer.

Oblong breathing

If you find it hard to hold your breath you can also use oblong breathing.

Find an object that is oblong shaped.
Breathe in while tracing the short side of the oblong.
Breathe out while tracing the long side of the oblong.
Repeat using the other two sides of the oblong.

If it is not possible to trace an actual object then instead breathe in to the count of four and out to the count of six. Continue to repeat this until you feel the rate of your breathing reduce and you feel calmer.

Creating a self-soothe bag

A Self-Soothe bag contains things that access the five different senses; Touch, Taste, Sight, Hearing and Smell.

When we have experienced trauma it is these senses that are triggered and then cause flashbacks or anxiety attacks to occur. For example, the sight of hospital equipment or the smell of certain things in the hospital. Creating a self-soothe bag filled with things that trigger positive memories can help counteract the impact of the trauma-based triggers and help to bring down anxiety levels.

Examples for a self-soothe bag include:

Sight – pictures of family and friends, holiday photos, things that make you laugh, positive statements, special objects

Sound – relaxing music, voices of friends or family

Touch – comforting objects such as a special blanket, stress ball or hand lotion

Taste – chocolate, sweets or flavours that you enjoy

Smell – favourite perfume on a hanky or aromatherapy oils

It's completely normal to feel a range of emotions following the loss of your precious baby

Why write a journal?

Questions to help you get started:

Grounding techniques

5

4

3

2

1

Body Awareness

Mental exercises

Breathing exercises

Creating a self-soothe bag

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Tel. 123-456-7890
Address Line One
Address Line Two
Postcode

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It's completely normal to feel a range of emotions following the loss of your precious baby

Why write a journal?

Questions to help you get started:

Creating a self-soothe bag

Contact us

Tel. 123-456-7890 Address Line One Address Line Two Postcode

Follow us

Talk to us

Tel. 123-456-7890
Address Line One
Address Line Two
Postcode